Breaking Through Our Own Thoughts
How My Brain Injured Son Turned My Thinking Downside Up.
Breaking Through Our Own Thoughts: A Journey to Success for Mothers of Teenagers
As a health, wellness, and mindset coach, I've spent years helping others achieve their goals and overcome personal obstacles. But one of the most powerful lessons I learned didn’t come from books, trainings, or client breakthroughs; it came from my own son’s battle to rebuild his mind after a severe traumatic brain injury. Almost eight years ago, our son’s life—and ours—was forever changed by a playground accident that left him with a subdural hematoma and resulted in brain surgery, a coma, amnesia, and a long, grueling journey of rehabilitation.
One day during his rehabilitation, he grew frustrated over his inability to solve math problems as he once could. In a moment of despair, he sobbed, as he struggled to access information he knew he understood. “But I know it. I just can't remember". It hurt so much to see his internal struggle and I could see he was facing a battle not only with his brain but with his belief system, a battle we all encounter in different forms.
To fullfil my own need to help him make sense of it all, I used the analogy of a landslide on a mountain. The destination where he wanted to travel (the math he knew he understood) was still intact but the roads to get there had been washed away. In some places the road may be repaired, but in some places, where the mountainside had totally been destroyed, there may be no way through. I told him that he was building new roads, and these roads will lead him on a new journey, with new obstacles and sometimes dead ends but he will keep building and get to the destination eventually. I hoped to reassure him that it was OK if his new road was not as smooth and if the journey was bumpy and took longer (ie... it may take him longer to complete tasks he used to excel at).
After nothing more than a brief pause, he responded in a way so profound that it I reshaped how I think about belief systems and true human resilience. With a glimmer of determination, he said, “I may be able to do it faster too. I may not have been on the fastest road the first time.”
WOW!!! His resilience and open-mindedness stunned me. Here was someone who had experienced immense loss of ability but was willing to explore different paths. He wasn’t just willing to rebuild; he was willing to believe in the possibility of new and better outcomes... and I was willing and ready to buckle up, sit back and be his student and start to learn some of the biggest lessons of my life!
What I saw that day is a lesson for all of us, particularly as mothers navigating the unpredictable journey of raising teenagers. They are on their own path, their own mountain with landslides of their own. And just like them, our own belief systems—those subconscious voices telling us “I know I can’t do this” or “It has to be done this way”—are often the biggest barriers standing in our way. Yet, if we can step back, challenge our beliefs, and open ourselves up to new ways of thinking, we unlock powerful potential for growth and success.
Why Our Beliefs Hold Us Back
Our belief systems are ingrained in us from years of experience, some serving us well, others limiting us. Many of these beliefs operate at a subconscious level, shaping our thoughts, reactions, and even our self-worth without us realizing it. As mothers, especially of teenagers, we face new challenges daily. And it’s all too easy to fall back on beliefs that may no longer serve us: “I’m not doing this right,” “I should know what to do,” or “Why can’t they just listen?”
The Path to Breakthrough
Here’s where we need to be like my son. What if the old “road” we’ve been traveling wasn’t the fastest, or even the right one? What if, instead of struggling with the same internal frustrations, we pause, rethink, and build a new route?
Challenge What You “Know” – Recognize that what you believe to be true is not necessarily the full picture. Our teens are going through constant change, and what worked with them before may not be effective now. Be open to the idea that your way of parenting, or even managing your own thoughts, may need a fresh perspective.
Embrace New Paths – Just as my son found motivation to rebuild his mental pathways, you can find new ways to approach challenges. Are there practices you’ve yet to explore, like mindful communication, more flexible boundaries, or even asking for help? Each challenge is an opportunity to discover new strategies, not to prove that our old ones were right.
Be Patient with Yourself – Just as I told my son to be patient with the process, I encourage you to offer yourself the same grace. Transforming deeply rooted beliefs takes time, practice, and sometimes even failure. Remember, you’re not just working to “fix” things—you’re learning to grow along with your teen.
Celebrate the Small Wins – Progress isn’t always monumental; it’s in those small victories, in moments of kindness, patience, or newfound perspective. Take time to acknowledge your growth, just as you would celebrate your child’s.
The Power of a New Belief System
Our belief systems can either bind us to old patterns or liberate us to grow in extraordinary ways. The truth is, we all have the power to reshape our own paths. By learning to question, rebuild, and reframe, we become unstoppable forces not only for ourselves but for our children.
For my son, the experience of relearning wasn’t just about cognitive recovery; it was a process of internal transformation. Today, he’s wiser, more resilient, and equipped with a perspective that enables him to inspire others. His journey wasn’t just about reclaiming what he lost—it was about discovering a new version of himself, one who’s willing to take on any mountain, no matter the path.
So, the next time you feel at your breaking point, remember: You’re not stuck on an unchangeable path. Be open to seeing things from a fresh angle, be gentle with yourself, and trust that every step you take—no matter how challenging—brings you closer to a stronger, wiser version of you. Your teenager is navigating their own terrain, and the best gift you can give both of you is to lead with flexibility, patience, and faith in the power of new possibilities.
“Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.” John C. Maxwell
